Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
