at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
