he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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