HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
