dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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