Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
