he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
