As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
