Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
