erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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