This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
