I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
