there's paper in my vomit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
