Porn is love you can see.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
