DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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