My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
