I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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