Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
