He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
