I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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