I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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