There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
