I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
