Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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