I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
