I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The best revenge is premature balding
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Randomize
