just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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