I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
