just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
