Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
