Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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