i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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