I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
