dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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