My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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