could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
