I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
