She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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