She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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