i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
