Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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