I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
