3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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