That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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