Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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