I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
