The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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