Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
