Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
