My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
