By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
