I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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